Self-compassion can be difficult, but this is especially true for those who are experiencing depression; things that once seem manageable become a lot harder. Depression is sometimes an absence of feelings or the lack of joy or motivation that one can experience. As one's moods impact one's life, the person may also experience a more critical part of oneself where kindness and self-compassion can be more complicated to access.

In this article, I'll share an overview of depression, it’s impact on our nervous system and some tools to help you be kind to yourself when feeling depressed.

How to be Kind to Yourself When Depressed

Why does depression happen?

Biological factors such as a family history of depression and neurochemical imbalances.

Psychological factors include the way people relate to themselves and their physiological well-being. This can consist of thinking patterns, self-esteem, sense of belonging, etc, as well as chronic illness, which can cause hormonal imbalances and more psychological stressors.

Environmental factors, which includes traumatic events, life stressors including transitions, loss, and systemic oppression.

How does depression affect the brain?

Depression can affect the brain in numerous ways; it can create an imbalance in neurotransmitters- which can reduce the pleasure-related transmitters such as serotonin or dopamine. Depression can also reduce the size of the hippocampus, which controls emotional regulation and memory.

Additionally, depression can affect the nervous system as a numbing sensation or lack of feeling in the body. It can create a mind-body disconnection, which makes more stored frozen energy; thus, when working with depression, it's essential to activate some charge and life energy in the body to strengthen that connection with somatic therapy.

It's important to note that not everyone who experiences depression may experience neurobiological changes, and there is still research being done further to understand the link between mood-related symptoms and brain chemistry. There is also not a clear cause and effect with brain changes and depression, as there can be many variables that come into play.

How to be kind to yourself when depressed

Identify that part of yourself that holds the sadness + judgment, and self-blame.

Name the critical part of yourself, get to know it and maybe even befriend it!

We are all made up of many parts; our nervous systems are made up of memories, experiences, and protective + coping mechanisms that served us for that particular part of our lives. Have you ever noticed responding to a situation in a way that feels less logical and more emotionally charged? That might be a younger part of you showing up, and that's okay! We want to know all the parts to care for and organize them so the appropriate, more resourced adult part comes forward in a given situation.

When you are experiencing depression- there can be intense judgment and self-blame that you experience internally; this may show up as critical thoughts about yourself, ruminating, and neglecting your self-care. It's important to identify that part of you stuck in the judgment when this happens.

Name that part. Is it your voice or someone else? What does it look or feel like in your body? Let's get familiar with what it wants. What is this part taking care of or trying to protect?

Practice self-compassion toward that part.

Once you can see the motives of the part, it might help shift your relationship with that vulnerable part of you-- we can't talk our way out of depression. However, we can practice kindness and compassion towards the part of us that is hurting.

What does self-compassion look like for you? It can be speaking directly to that pat and acknowledging their presence and their strength in trying to take care of you. It can be doing something nice for yourself, like taking a bath, stretching, phoning a friend, or whatever feels intentional in showing up for yourself and that critical part that's hurting.

Engage in activities that get your body moving

Another way to show kindness is to prioritize movement and activities that once felt nourishing to your body. This can be especially hard when you might not feel the same joy or reward as before. However, behaviors can influence emotions by signaling to the brain that you are active, thus experiencing a mood boost. This method is called Behavior Activation (BA). BA is based on the understanding that inactivity leads to lower moods and depression, so doing the opposite can impact your emotional state in a more balanced and positive way.

Therapy modalities for depression:

Somatic Experiencing Therapy

Somatic therapy is an evidenced-based, body-centered therapy modality that helps treat the physiological symptoms of people who have experienced trauma or adverse life situations.

Somatic therapy is based on the belief that trauma or stress can cause dysfunction in the nervous system and prevent people from fully processing their experiences. This creates the feeling of being stuck in an activation or stress response. Somatic therapy helps create a mind-body connection where folks can find self-regulation through the body and release the trauma or stress response by completing it with the therapist they did not have access to when the trauma occurred.

Ego State Therapy

Ego State Therapy is an evidence-based treatment that looks at personality as composed of separate parts rather than a homogeneous whole. These parts (which everyone has) are called ego states. The therapist learns to work directly with the state that can best benefit from change rather than merely working with an intellectual, talkative state.

You are welcome to learn more about my approach to therapy and contact me if you'd like more support with depression and other mood-related concerns.